Category Archives for "Blog"

The Bible, The Pastor, and Mental Health

By dougl1kj | Blog , Counseling for Pastors

Years ago, my youth pastor suggested that we show a movie titled “The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe” and I thought ‘what kind of weird movie is this?’.  Witches and talking animals have nothing in common with the Bible!  Upon watching however, I found it to be an excellent presentation of Biblical truth.  When it comes to mental health, far too many pastors and Christians have the same attitude as I toward C.S. Lewis and the movie.   Like myself, once they actually investigate, they come to a whole new understanding and appreciation.

In the beginning, God created man in his image; body, soul and spirit.  We are the very pinnacle of God’s creative work.  We are spiritual beings with blood coursing through our veins; capable of faith and cell reproduction; offering praise, prayer while living complicated, delicate, emotional lives.  While we are fearfully and wonderfully made, we need to acknowledge the full extent and effect of the fall on our mental health.  We were created upright in righteousness and holiness, of sound body and mind, but Adam’s disobedience tore asunder what God had otherwise joined together.  Most will acknowledge that the fall impacted man physically.  Few reject the teaching that the fall impacted man spiritually.  For by one man sin entered into the world and all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God is fairly clear.  It would seem logical that the fall would impact man emotionally as well and the reality is that we are not just prone to sin but to psychological breakdown.

In evangelism today, faith and mental health is something of an elephant in the room.  We all know someone – we may even be that someone – who suffers from the disorienting effect of the fall on our whole person.  It is time then to address this topic in the open.

Having the right biblical categories is crucial for sorting through the myriad of challenges posed by mental health for the church.  There are spiritual problems, there are physical problems, and there are emotional or mental problems.  When one is depressed, it is an emotional and spiritual problem that can lead to physical problems.  When only addressed as a spiritual problem, the individual is told to “read your Bible and pray so that you drive the depression away”.  Often the reality is that this counsel intensifies the depression.  The Bible is not ineffective; the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.  The brain is not able to apply the truth it reads.  Address the brain so that the Truth is comprehended and then the depression dissolves.  All biblical categories are addressed instead of only one.

There must be training for spiritual care and soul care so that modern culture no longer enables our pathologies.  The Bible is a sharp, two edged sward; able to cut the thoughts and intentions of the inner most man.  As that is the case those using it for spiritual care need to be trained lest they cause more harm than good.  Pastors and lay counselors are first responders.  Often they come upon a spiritually or soul injured person.  Like the first responder who triages the accident victim and then takes to them to the emergency room physician so must those who are not trained for intense spiritual and soul care refer intense treatment to those who are equipped.  Great harm is done by those who lack the training.  There is a reason why Paul said a pastor needs to be mature and that we should be slow to approve one for leadership.  This applies to providing spiritual and soul care for those broke in their emotions and thinking.

We need to candidly discuss faith as it relates to issues such as eating disorders, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and depression.  The Bible is quite blunt.  It is also quite clear about sin.  As followers of Christ and as the Bible is our guide we should not shy away from real topics being experienced by real people in our real world.  People with mental illness need the Lord.  They are all the same.  They all need us to be open, candid, honest.

The stories of those who are most visibly emotionally impacted by the fall need to move us to tears.  In response, we need to offer comfort from Scripture.  Their stories need to inspire to engage in the life of the community of faith in new ways as we seek to love one another in Christ.  Far too often those with a mental illness are the lepers of the evangelical church.  While not out loud, inwardly we scream “Unclean, Unclean”.  We don’t know what to do with them so we ignore them with hopes that they will go away.  Somebody should help them.  Anybody could help them.  But when the day ends nobody is who addresses them.  To quote Paul again “God Forbid” or as modern  translations read “May it never be.”

Jesus came to heal the sick, not those who are well.  In this, his power is on display in and through our weakness, as he sustains us and works to bring about the redemption of our whole persons, body and soul.  He keep us in his tender care, and the sufferings of this present age are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us on that great day of salvation.

Let us be like Christ.

To get there you have to begin the journey, let’s get started!

By Dr. Phillip Huggins

Spiritual Director of The Grace Wellness Center

Counselor and Biblical Life Coach

 

 

Moving from Failure to Success – Biblical Life Coaching

By dougl1kj | Blog , Coaching , Life

As Christian Life Coaches, we begin by pointing people to the scriptures to see that we were clearly not made for ordinary lives, we were created for so much more.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. John 10:10

But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. Romans 8:37

Why do many Christians settle for the ordinary?  Why do so few even seek “abundant life?”  Why are most Christians not even conquerors let alone “more than conquerors?”  Why do so few think it is even possible?  While there are likely many reasons or variations on why, I believe that it boils down to two related issues…unbelief and fear.  Living in fear leads to foolish decisions and ultimately failure.  Repeat this cycle long enough and you begin to believe it is all you can do.  At this point you are thinking “but I’m not afraid of anything.”  Some men are even insulted by the thought they might be afraid…well sorry guys but like it or not we all have fear at the root of our failures.

 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. I John 4:18

                When I step outside of God’s love I step right into fear.  I am not talking about the “fear of the Lord,” that is the only fear that is rooted in love.  All other fears are rooted in self love.  Does that make sense?  If I am walking in God’s love it casts our all other fears but if I am walking in the flesh, pride, self love, I live in fear of things not being how I want them to be and act foolishly based on those fears.

Let’s look at this a little closer.  Why do I get angry at my wife?  Because things aren’t the way “I” want them to be.  In my pride, I lash out at her because I am fearful I won’t get what I feel I need.  I act foolishly and end up with a worse mess than I had to begin with.  I don’t find peace until I begin to walk in love.  This love casts out my fears and I can see clearly to make better decisions.  In my fear and anger I have torment as described in I John 4:18.  When I walk in love I find answers and greater success.  In fear there are problems, in love there are solutions.

Let me put this in a different context.  I started Grace Wellness Center a little over 5 years ago.  I had no idea what I was doing but believed God lead me to begin this ministry.  I followed his leading but then quickly fear took over.  I feared failure so I acted in desperation in a number of pursuits.  One of those was investing $15,000 in radio ads that didn’t work.  When they weren’t working I just kept acting in fear and stubbornly kept trying.  I couldn’t accept the loss of $5000 dollars and felt I needed to make it work, so I kept listening to my sales rep that “it just takes time.”  Then I couldn’t accept losing $10,000 dollars and felt I had to make it work or the money would just be wasted.  I kept convincing myself foolishly that “I” could make this work and recoup my money.  I felt “I” had to do this.  Then one day I got to the end of myself and got on my knees and asked God what I needed to do.  God didn’t meet me with the judgment or disgust I had for myself.  He met me with love and I felt him physically lift me up off my knees and heard him tell me “it’s not your job to pay the bills, that’s my job.”  I realized at that point that my role in this was to be faithful and to abide in him.  With this new contentment and walking in his love, I began to make wise choices and the business began to take off. Five years later we have 15 counseling and coaching centers throughout western PA and offer Biblical Counseling and Biblical Life Coaching to anywhere in the nation via phone or skype.

Whether you are experiencing failure in your relationships, career, health, parenting or any other area of life, Biblical Life Coaching can help you turn those failures into successes.  We have several highly qualified coaches with specialties in every area of life waiting to help you find success.  Will you partner with us and let us come along side you on your journey towards abundant life?

A wise man will hear and increase in learning,
And a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel, Proverbs 1:5

 

To get there you have to begin the journey, let’s get started!

By Stephen Luther

Executive Director of Grace Wellness Center

Licensed Professional Counselor and Biblical Life Coach

 

Be a Wise Chicken

By dougl1kj | Blog , Coaching , Life

What does Christian counseling and life coaching have to do with chickens?  I’m glad you asked!  Let me begin with a story about my chickens.  When we first got our chickens we had them in an area enclosed by a 4 foot fence.  It didn’t take long before the chickens figured out that they could get over the fence.  What did they do when they got out?  They crossed the road!  So I raised the fence and they couldn’t get over it.  However, it didn’t take long before they found a gap under one area of the fence and, you guessed it, they got out and crossed the road.  I was left pondering a very real question about why the chickens crossed the road.  It seemed as though they had a singular focus of getting to the other side and nothing else mattered.

As I pondered this, I began to think about how we are much like that.  We often put the blinders on and pursue our goal without really thinking it through.  We react and often get run over by life.  Or, alternatively, we don’t pursue our goals because of fear of what we cannot see.  A wise chicken keeps his goal, the other side of the road, in focus but broadens his view to consider other important information such as whether a car is coming.  He acts wisely.  Do you often get run over by life circumstances?  Or do you stand on the side of the road afraid to cross because of uncertainty of what lies ahead?  If you are like me, most times, you can’t see those cars coming at you.  Often I need someone to come along side me and help me see where I am about to get run over.  So let’s look at the process.

He who walks with wise men will be wise,
But the companion of fools will suffer harm. Proverbs 13:20

Life is full of stress.  Often we see stress as the enemy, but stress is good if it is kept under control.  It helps us know that we need to act in some way, keeps us sharp and builds our resources for not just coping with life, but living the extraordinary and victorious life God calls us to.  When we are stressed, we will proceed down one of two paths, the path of the wise chicken or the path of the unwise chicken.  These two paths are routed in one of two primary emotional states, love/security or fear/insecurity.  If I can stay on the wise path, I will act in love and security.  I don’t act hastily but I do act.  I think things through and seek wise counsel.  If I stay on this path I will find success and possibilities will unfold before my eyes.  This is the green path on the diagram below.  If however, I chose the path of the unwise chicken, I will react either by proceeding without considering the potential problems that will run me over, or I stand paralyzed.  Both options are motivated by fear and insecurity.  This WILL end in some failure in life and will bog me down with limitations and problems.  This is the red path on the diagram below.

At Grace Wellness Center our Christian counselors and life coaches specialize in helping you be a wise chicken.  What areas of life are you struggling in?  Where are you getting run over by the circumstances of life?  What areas are you stuck in and can’t see past the limitations before you?  Our counselors and coaches would love to come along side you and help you be a wise chicken…are you ready to live the extraordinary life God designed for you to have?

 

To get there you have to begin the journey, let’s get started!

By Stephen Luther

Executive Director of Grace Wellness Center

Licensed Professional Counselor and Biblical Life Coach

 

Parenting for Connection not Compliance

By dougl1kj | Blog , Life , My Kids Program

Parenting for Connection not Compliance

Therapeutic Parent Coaching

            Have you ever heard that you should pick your battles in parenting?  What if I told you that you didn’t have to battle at all?  You would think I was nuts right?  Well I might be, but the fact is, you never have to battle with your kids.  It’s true!

Luke 6:45

The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart.

God commands us to be obedient but that is in the context of a relationship.  Luke 6:45 tells us that what is in a person’s heart is what leads to the outward expression of either good or evil.  If we focus just on this outward expression, we battle.  When we focus on the heart we don’t have to battle, we learn to connect and dance with our children.

“Dance?  What do you mean dance?  I don’t like to dance!”

I am talking about doing a relational dance with your kids.  When your child (or anyone for that matter) engages in a negative behavior, they are communicating something to you.  They are insecure and acting on what is in their heart.  Are you listening?  When we address the behavior we battle.  When we address the heart, we dance.

All negative behavior comes out of some insecurity that your child can’t regulate.  When we battle our kids, they perceive us as against them and as a threat to what they are trying to do to resolve the insecurity.  What if you could help them deal with the insecurity and not get caught up in battles no one wins?  “Wow, that would be cool!”

Dancing 101:

1. Accept that this behavior is their best attempt to deal with what is going on in their heart.  This is hard for a lot of parents because they are afraid if they accept it, it won’t change.  The opposite is actually true.  Acceptance is the beginning of change.  Not accepting leads to more of the same.
2. Stop doing what isn’t working.  Stop going right to consequences.  What if you could create change without consequences?  Would that be ok?  What if you only had to use consequences as one tool among many?
3. Empathize with their hurt and insecurity.  Empathy gets you into their heart and sooths the hurt.
4. Be curious about what is going on for them.  While empathy gets you into their heart, curiosity invites them to come out.  This may take a while but if you don’t battle and keep at it, they will begin to come out and connect with you.
5. Connect with your kids and enjoy them!

Do you want more?  Try Parent Coaching, it will help you learn to dance with your kids and transform your family.  Let us know if we can help!

Psalm 127:3-5

³ Behold, children are a gift of the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
⁴ Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one’s youth.
⁵ How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them;
They will not be ashamed
When they speak with their enemies in the gate.

 

To get there you have to begin the journey, let’s get started!

By Stephen Luther
Executive Director of Grace Wellness Center
Licensed Professional Counselor and Therapeutic Parent Coach
www.thegracewellnesscenter.com
My Kid’s Therapeutic parent coaching group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/890155804375744/
Grace Wellness Center on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/

Enjoyed this post? Want to know 4 HUGE SECRETS to parenting? Click here or the logo below.

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Becoming an Extraordinary Parent

By dougl1kj | Blog , Coaching

At Grace Wellness Center, our parenting coaches want you to thrive as a parent!  We believe you can thrive even with difficult children.  Are you ready to get started?  Listen to what one coaching client said about their experience:

For seven years, we have seen traumatic stress counselors, psychiatrists, family therapists and group therapists, without success. In the beginning of April 2014, I sought parenting strategies at Grace Wellness Center for my adoptive teenage daughter who has RAD (reactive attachment disorder.)  The strategies and encouragement have been exactly what my husband and I needed.  The coaching and time spent learning how to deal with ongoing situations has yielded great benefits for our family.  I would encourage any parent especially parents of children with RAD to give this avenue a serious try.

Gratefully,
Dana C 

Most of us agree that parenting is one of the most important jobs in the world, but do our actions back that up?  Many of us spend a great deal of time learning what we need for our careers or other areas of life, but how much time do we spend learning from experts in the field of parenting?  In our career, if it would help us advance, we would seek expert guidance.  In fact, that is how many of us got to where we are professionally.  What about in our parenting?  Are you willing to take a hard look at yourself as a parent and ask tough questions?  Are you helping your children be secure in themselves and confident in this world?  Could you use some help?  You only get one chance to parent your children, and our parent coaching program helps you do it right.

Psalms 127:3-5 Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

What is parent coaching?

When you decide to partner with a parent coach, you get an expert in the field of parenting to come along side you as you work towards your goal of thriving as a parent.  You will begin to believe in yourself as you work with your coach to examine your own life and the beliefs you have about parenting.  You will identify the things that have put unnecessary limitations on your success as a parent.

Nothing could be more important! 

To get there you have to begin the journey, let’s get started!

By Stephen Luther
Executive Director of Grace Wellness Center
Licensed Professional Counselor and Biblical Life Coach
www.thegracewellnesscenter.com
My Kid’s Therapeutic parent coaching group on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/890155804375744/
Grace Wellness Center on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/gracewellnesscenter

Christian Counseling- A New Perspective

By dougl1kj | Blog , Counseling , Counseling and Therapy

The wounds of the heart are the subject of Christian counseling, but often as a church community we don’t give them the same weight as we do physical wounds. Imagine if I walked into church with a big open wound on my body, I would immediately be approached by several caring people who would offer help and healing. If I told them I didn’t want any help with my wounds and that preferred to just walk around bleeding on everything they would be shocked. While this might sound farfetched, our churches and our communities are full of people walking around with open wounds on their hearts and in their lives. They are choosing not to deal with the problem.

Through the eyes of Christian counselors these people are considered the “walking wounded.” They may have tried to get help, but people didn’t understand or rejected them. If their wound has been with them for a long time, they may have grown comfortable with the problem or may even believe it is normal. Many of us have become accustomed to just accepting the masks people wear. It is more comfortable to accept that people are ok than to dig deeper and get to the truth. The truth is, many in our churches and communities are the “walking wounded” who have put on a mask to convince us they are ok. Are you willing to see the truth? Are you open to what you will see? Will the love of Christ in you be enough to keep you from running? I suggest that it’s time we stop letting people walk around wounded and do something about it. We at Grace Wellness Center specialize in helping the walking wounded become healed and whole again through Biblically based Christian Counseling. Please take a few minutes to look at the outline of our philosophy on healing wounds. Consider having us come and present a seminar that will encourage people to take off the mask and deal with the problem.

The Process of Healing through Christian Counseling
Take off the MASK: We need to begin the healing process by being genuine and open about our pain.
Heal the WOUNDS: Just like physical wounds, emotional, spiritual and relational wounds need to be treated and healed.
Remove the TOXINS: Toxins are the false beliefs that result from unhealed wounds and a life of covering our pain with masks.
Replace with TRUTH: The Bible tells us we are to be “transformed by the renewing of our minds.” We need to examine our life under the light of truth and replace the false and destructive beliefs with those that are true and healthy. This is what makes Christian counseling different, we get to the root of the problem and allow the truth to set people free.

Do you know people who are hurting and can’t seem to break the destructive or avoidant patterns in their lives? Are their people under your leadership who just don’t ever seem to get it and are spiritually stuck? Is there ongoing and unresolved conflict within families or between members of the church?
Grace Wellness Center can walk with you on your healing path. To schedule a Christian counseling session or just to get you questions answered simply call (724)863-7223 or email us at info@thegracewellnesscenter.com

“Stay the Course” with the Help of Christian Coaching

By dougl1kj | Blog , Counseling and Therapy

Developing vision is central in the process when working with a Christian Life Coach.  We have to have a well defined vision, but if we don’t know how to get there, the vision doesn’t have much value.  That is one of the greatest benefits of Biblical coaching.  How many of us have had so many dreams go unfulfilled that we just give up on dreaming and decide it is best to just go with the flow?  Unfortunately, too many people accept this course and just let life take them where it will without any control over the direction.

Early in my career I was a wilderness therapist working with troubled kids on various wilderness excursions.  On one of these trips to Canada I was charged with training a new staff person while we navigated through complex networks of creeks and lakes.  On one particular day, after some training, I put the new staff in front with the students while I stayed in the sweep canoe.  After navigating through one lake, we needed to head to a small stream that connected us to another lake where we would camp for the night.  The vision was in place for this young staff person, he had to get us to camp.  He could see it on the map but when he looked for the stream, he couldn’t find it.  He knew where it was supposed to be but when he looked at that side of the lake, all he saw was trees and vegetation.   Even though I had confirmed his heading he didn’t trust it because he couldn’t see the stream that would get us where we needed to go.  He started in that direction but every few minutes he looked back and threw his hands in the air wanting to stop and change course.  My only response was to take my paddle and point straight ahead.  I was saying “stay the course.”  He must have needed this reassurance 20 times before he began to see the creek.  When he finally saw it he turned around with the most confused look on his face.  How could it have been there all along and he not seen it.  Had I not been there to encourage him to trust his heading and to “stay the course” who knows where he would have ended up.  You see, I could see the creek all along because I knew what to look for.  I had done it before and trusted the direction we were heading.

Sometimes life is like this example.  We have a vision of where we want to get but we can’t see how to get there.  We question ourselves and without a wise mentor or life coach we often change our course or give up on the dream and just accept staying where we are.  We get stuck!  Not knowing what direction to go in to reach our dream can be debilitating.  Did you know that if the Space Shuttle’s course is even a fraction of an inch off it will end up missing the moon by 13,000 miles?  Not knowing precisely what course to take to reach our dreams can land us just as far off course!

Christian life coaching not only helps you refine your vision but also helps you “stay the course” even when it doesn’t make sense or you can’t see where you are going.  A good Biblical life coach can do this because he has done it before, and knows how the process works.  In Life Coaching you are the expert on your life while the coach is the expert on the process.  With this partnership you can accomplish great things in your life and have the abundant life God always planned for you to have.

1 You’re blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God. 2You’re blessed when you follow his directions, doing your best to find him. 3 That’s right – you don’t go off on your own; you walk straight along the road he set.  Psalm 119:1-3 (The Message)

Your word is a lamp to my feet, And a light to my path. Psalm 119:105

Those of us at BiblicalLifeCoaches.com and Grace Wellness Center would like to come along side you, help you “stay the course” and help you make your dreams reality.  Contact us today to schedule your free consultation!

To get there you have to begin the journey, let’s get started!

By Stephen Luther

Executive Director of Grace Wellness Center

Licensed Professional Counselor and Biblical Life Coach